What Men Really Mean:
"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself
dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while
the fish swim by in complete safety."
----------
"Let's take your car." Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger
wrappers and completely out of gas."
----------
"It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
---------
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the
table?"
----------
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean.... Absolutely
nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
----------
"Good idea." Really means.... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest
of the day gloating."
----------
"Have you lost weight?" Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on
a cordless drill."
----------
"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means.... "She's heard all my
stories before, and is tired of them."
----------
"It would take too long to explain." Really means.... "I have no idea how
it works."
----------
"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means.... "The batteries in the
remote are dead."
----------
"I got a lot done." Really means.... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every
picture."
----------
"We're going to be late." Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse
to drive like a maniac."
----------
"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means.... "She used the
smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
----------
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really
means.... "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
---------
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means.... "I can't
hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
----------
"That's interesting, dear." Really means.... "Are you still talking?"
----------
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means....
"I forgot our anniversary again."
----------
"You expect too much of me." Really means.... "You want me to stay awake."
----------
"It's a really good movie." Really means.... "It's got guns, knives, fast
cars, and Heather Locklear."
----------
"That's women's work." Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and
thankless."
----------
"Go ask your mother." Really means.... "I am incapable of making a
decision."
----------
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means....
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
----------
"Football is a man's game." Really means.... "Women are generally too
smart to play it."
----------
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I
have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
hurt."
----------
"I do help around the house." Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel
in the laundry basket."
----------
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "And I
sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
----------
"I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."
----------
"What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
----------
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means.... "You just
bought new clothes 3 years ago."
----------
"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means.... "She refused to
make my coffee."
----------
"But I hate to go shopping." Really means.... "Because I always wind up
outside the dressing room holding your purse."
----------
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means.... "You may actually
get it to start."
----------
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means.... "I
am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest
pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
----------
"I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
----------
"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means.... "I am used to
the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
----------
"You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit. I'm starving."
----------
"I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night
at the ball game."
----------
"I missed you." Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids
are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
----------
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will
ever see us alive again."
----------
"We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans
them up."
----------
"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means.... "I am perfectly
capable of screwing it up without printed help."
----------
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means.... "If I wait long
enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
----------
"I broke up with her." Really means.... "She dumped me."
----------
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means.... "Someplace that
doesn't have a drive-thru window."
----------
"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means.... "I like you
more than my truck."
----------
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Jun 20 2003 - 11:46:50 EDT